I am leaning on my Dad’s cane in order to walk today.
My back went out a couple of days ago. I’ll be okay in a day or so; right now it’s pretty painful.
My Dad used a cane for at least a decade. In the last few years of his life, he used it all the time, when he wasn’t using a walker. Canes and walkers were the only way to get around. I have such vivid memories of him walking across the room to sit on the couch, in the herky-jerky movement necessitated by back pain and canes/walkers. I remember the way he’d do a controlled fall into the couch. He was an engineer: no doubt he considered angles and vectors and height and rate of fall as he plopped onto the cushions to watch the Mets game.
I thought of his pain a lot when he was alive, and lived with us. I saw the ways it impacted his life, the little adjustments he’d make to lessen his pain level, the increasing number of freedoms he’d forgo—like driving, like walking—as his condition worsened. He rarely complained, other than the occasional, “Jeff, this growing old is a real bitch sometimes.” (Read that in his thick, glorious Oklahoma accent for the full effect.)
Now I’m on the other side of that cane. I’m not at the levels of pain he was at, and won’t be for some time, if ever. But back pain is a legacy we share. I will lean on my memories of him in the same way I lean on his cane. I’ll remember the calm and gentle way with which he handled pain and adversity. The nut-and-bolts practical solutions he came up with to deal with the logistics of pain management. The love and patience he displayed when living with me and my children, showing us, rather than telling us, how to live a simple, noble life that acknowledges pain and loss without surrendering to it.
It’s time to sell things. I’ve got a couple new short stories on Amazon. The links are below, as are the links to my other writing.
My latest story: Fuck, Marry, Kill
February’s story: Veronica Scissors
My website: jeffmwood.com.
My Amazon page.
My erotic story series, Serious Moonlight (as J G Cain)
Peace.