I...

...will be on Irrelephant's radio show, Sunday, 5 p.m., MST. Listen to us and double the audience!

I...am writing this in response to Mona's word of the day, which is "I".

I...used to eat uncooked macaroni as a child. And loved it. Uncooked Minute Rice too.

I...used to have a pet squirrel monkey, ordered from the back pages of Boy's Life for $14.95. We had it for a summer, but it was too stinky and bit my sister and was clearly unhappy. So we gave it to a pet shop. We fed it junk food (M&Ms, Jello, popcicles) all day long, just to watch it eat. Which might have been why it was stinky and bitey and unhappy.

I...have met Richard Nixon (at an airport in Iowa), John Cusack (he bummed a cigarette from me and bought me a beer), either Penn or Teller (the big one that does all the talking; in an elevator), Joan Collins (in an elevator as well, and the scariest looking woman I've ever seen), and Mike Doughty (at a NY Press bash, and I mention it primarily because Mona has a big ol' crush on him).

I...have been in jail three times. First time in Des Moines when a couple friends and I climbed onto the roof of a bar we were all drinking at. Second time in New Orleans during Mardi Gras for throwing beads (yes, everyone does it, but it is apparently a misdemeanor, and they will put you in jail for it). Third time in Hemphill, Texas for "driving funny." Which is not a crime. But we all had long hair, which seems to be a crime in Hemphill, Texas. And, well, yeah, when they searched the car (illegally) they found a shotgun in the trunk that had been sawed off past legal limits.

I...eat 3 or 4 Tums a day. Not because I have an upset stomach. But because I like the taste.

I...was almost kicked out of Disneyland as a pre-teen. My football team was there as a group, and we were on some jungle boat ride, and started splashing each other. Some guy in a captain suit gave us a stern talking to when we got off the ride.

I...almost never let my kids watch TV, but watch it myself almost every night after they go to bed. II do not feel guilty about this.

I...have dated three women in my life who were self-described witches. All were fairly nice. None of them turned me into a newt (though I did fear one might turn me into a cat).